30 days in Heaven
It has been 30 days now since my second born child Lenya stepped into eternity. Her last breath, which she took in my arms, was immediately followed by her first breath in the arms of her Savior and Creator Jesus Christ. Scripture promises nothing less than an instant transition to Heaven for the believer–to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. In her final moment on the earth, like Stephen, she saw Jesus, at the right hand of the Father, standing to greet her as angels brought her into God’s presence. Her consciousness which was lost to us on the earth was transferred seamlessly into a place Jesus made specifically for her in His Father’s house where she is safe from harm and waiting for us to join her.
I believe every single letter and every single word of the paragraph I just wrote. Tears streamed down my face as I typed them out and I had to walk away from the computer before I could continue because I started to hyperventilate–I am trying to write about the single most traumatic and painful moments of my thirty years of life after-all. But I believe what I said with all my heart. Thirty days ago, for Lenya, life was upgraded. She was brought to a place that is FAR better than the one she left. The last thirty days for her have been the best of her life. No doubt each day has been better than the one that came before it. She is in Paradise.
Our life, on the other hand, was downgraded. Life on this earth, which groans for redemption, is even more bitter without her. I have never longed for heaven more in my life. She is experiencing fullness of joy and pleasures evermore but we are being hard-pressed by grief and horrified by the prospect of living without her. Death is ugly. But it has been defeated. It’s still got a nasty bite but it’s venom has been removed, therefore we do not lose heart. We choose to look at all this not through just what we can see but what we know to be true. Not just by sight but by faith. I don’t have the strength to go through another thirty days of this, or thirty minutes for that matter. But God does. Lenya is with Him and He is with us, supplying us with strength we need and leading us in triumph. I choose to look at all of this and trust not what is temporary but what is eternal. Not what is in front of my eyes, but what is written in God’s Word.
I wish I could have heard her beautiful voice squeal for joy at the sight of that Land or watched the light of God’s glory illuminate her face for the first time. I wonder what it was like for her to taste a blackberry in that Country. Did she laugh that she ever could have thought one here was sweet? I will have to wait to find out. But she will be there waiting for us and leaping to greet me as I arrive at the distant shore she has already sailed to.
comments
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Hi Levi,
How my heart aches for you both. I have, like many, been following these past 30 days from a distance and feeling helpless to do anything to comfort you. You guys are bathed in prayer and so loved. When you’re ready, you should listen to a song by Steven Curtis Chapman on his “Beauty will Rise” CD. It’s called “SEE”. It may help you grieve and find encouragement.
I love you both,
Michael McDade -
I don’t know your family but read your posts through friends. You are an amazing man and your words have touched me more than you could ever imagine. Your faith in the lord had brought me to tears. I pray for you and your family and to have the strength that you have.
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I love that last sentence. What an amazing thought Levi. My husband an I also can only imagine that day when we too will be reunited with our daughter Cailey. We continue to pray for your family as you journey each day through the grief. May God guide and direct every thought and every moment.
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Your family is an inspiration to the rest of us. Watching the way you looked at your family during Lenya’s memorial was truly touching. The love you have for one another will get you through the worst pain a parent can feel. You are truly an amazing man Pastor Levi and I admire your strength and dedication. I will continue to pray for your family and know you are in our hearts! You are a gift from god and I appreciate you and the life changing church you have created. God Bless!
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Levi,Jen & Family, As I have grieved with all of you, and for all of you this past month.. I have found that I have been the one COMFORTED through this the most. Your Faith and the faith of your beautiful family have given me so much strength, encouragement and has taken my FAITH in God to a NEW LEVEL! You have OPENED MY EYES to the REALITY of HOW TO LIVE BY FAITH when those HORRIFIC times come, and they will come…to ALL of us! I KNOW that ALL of you are GRIEVING FAR MORE than I can even BEGIN TO IMAGINE. And even though your FAITH in God is STRONG.. your SPIRITS & BODIES here… are EXHAUSTED! Please know that you and your family (including your extended family) are being HELD UP IN PRAYER & LOVE EVERY SINGLE DAY! I have counted it a PRIVILEGE to be part of FRESH LIFE HOME here and to be TAUGHT BY SOMEONE THAT I FEEL GOD HAS A SPECIAL ANOINTING ON! THANK YOU ALL, FOR BEING SUCH AN AMAZING REFLECTION OF JESUS LEVI… I LOVE YOU ALL..SO MUCH!
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Bless you Levi and Jenny. May God ease your pain. I pray for strength. We all love and care so much for you and your dear family.
Be gentle with yourselves and take the time you need to heal. God only takes the best and Lenya was just that.
God put his arms around her and whispered for her to come to him. Never to fully understand until you see her again. Praying for you, Annie -
Victoria Buls Says:Jan 20th, 2013
The words had no flaw–every sentence was God writing hope and peace into my heart…I dream of the day when God’s words flow through my fingers, as they do yours! I can’t wait to see her pretty smile again
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Joe and I continue to keep your whole family in our prayers! We weep with you and yet like you rejoice in the knowledge that Lenya is in the presence of our Savior! Thank you for your witness of the Lord’s never ending love and pressing on when you all feel pressed on every side. We feel blessed to be a part of this congregation and to have you as our pastor!!! God’s peace and comfort to you all!!!
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I remember going through this pain at the age of 12 when I lost my father. Although it is a different pain that you are experiencing, I can relate to the very pain you described about not being able to go on another 30 days. Going to your home with one person missing is unbearable at times and missing their voice or just the slight sound of their footsteps inside the house. I know that right now the pain is so raw. It almost feels like your arm or a limb got removed from your body and now you have to go on through life trying to get use to not having that part of your body with you. I can assure you Levi that it gets better. After time, you can go on to remember little Lenya and laugh and be able to smile again and not feel the very raw pain dwell inside of you. After 12 years of not having my father around, I can go on to remember him without the pain. I can laugh and hold his memory dear to my heart. I’ve never really “moved on” but I learned to live without my “missing arm.” I am praying for you all.
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As I write this with tears rolling down my face, my one year old girl is making motor boat noises from her crib and I’m reminded of how precious life is. We are also a family absent of a body as our first born son Quinn went to be present with the Lord. During that time we were given comfort by the campus leader Josh and others of the Freshlife family, this thought alone allows me to muster a smile knowing that you are surrounded by loving hands and loving hearts. With tears & smiles our family will continue to pray for yours. God Bless!
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You are all heavy on my heart and I can not begin to imagine the pain and emptiness you are feeling, but knowing Miss Leyna is in heaven with our Savior Jesus Christ praying over her daddy mommy and sisters makes me smile. May God give you strength through this unimaginable time.
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Your faith is inspirational. Lenya’s life, although far to short in our eyes, has touched more lives than most. She was beautiful and because of her, more people know God today than 30 days ago. Thank you for being so transparent and allowing us to hear her story, it has brought me back to God and encouraged me to teach my children about Jesus. I pray every day that your family’s heart’s find peace. You are covered in prayer, you are loved and if ever you need anything from the church you have given so much to, just say the word. We are with you, heart and soul.
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Glenda Wolverton Says:Jan 20th, 2013
Heart and Soul. Your stength and heart reminds me of King David.
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I cannot begin to tell you the heartfelt love & prayers that have gone out to you & your family from us since Jaime & Monica told us about Lenya & what had happened to her. We want to send words of comfort that hopefully help you through this. I cannot even imagine what you are going through but our comfort is that we know she’s in Jesus arms & if it’s even half of what I imagine heaven to be she is dancing a joyful jig with Jesus!! This is our comfort & that we will see each other again! God bless your family & Like they say take one day at a time! The beautiful & funny memories bring smiles back to our face! Continuing to pray for your lovely family! God bless! The Hernandez”s from Cali
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So touched by your strong faith and continuing to pray for you and your family as you trek through the arduous journey as mortals here on earth….and ALL of the emotions that accompany. Lenya’s story has encouraged us in so many ways and your faith is inspirational. Watched your powerful message at Greg Laurie’s church – moved to tears and yet JOY at how tragedy can transform in God’s providential plan.
Love,hugs and prayers
Team Lawrence, Albuquerque -
This is one of the most beautiful testimonies to faith in the midst of sorrow that I have ever read. Thank you, Father, for giving your servant Levi renewed conviction and increased faith in this trial that is almost more than he can bear. Thank you, Lord, for giving us, his brothers and sisters, the love and desire to lift Levi and his family up in prayer so that they can bear the weight of this and one day be able to count it all joy. Lord, show yourself mighty in the lives of this precious family. Blessings from the Forment family in Miami, FL
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My family is new your church, we attended for the second time only today. As 3 of my 4 children and myself walked into church this morning, my husband called my cell phone, letting me know his father had passed away. He sat by his bed with his step mom singing to him while he left this world and entered a much better place. My kids and I continued into church with tears streaming down our faces, we praised and thanked God for bringing us to Fresh Life especially today. I will continue to pray for your family daily and thank God for leading us to our new church home.
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Levi, You and Jennie and the Lusko and Yap families are in my prayers daily. Your hurt is raw and honest and our God hears and He is near to the brokenhearted. Yet, there is hope. His compassions fail not. The day will come. And we will all be reunited together with Jesus. Your Lenya Avery is completely whole. She is beholding the face of her Savior. 30 days. I eagerly await the day I will get to meet Lenya on the other side. For now, our hearts grieve with you. We love you guys.
Mark and Jessica Martinez -
This is a beautiful post. Like a previous commenter, I lost a parent when I was young and I know the absence of someone so instrumental to your life. It caused me to turn away from Chist for many years, but this past year I have finally returned. May you and your family be given strength to continue in this time of sorrow.
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We don’t know each other but I know of you and your husband, Levi. I live in Des Moines,Iowa and I want you to know that last Friday 1/18/2013 at 7:17 AM while driving to work, the Lord put you and Levi in my thoughts. I have learned when random thoughts come to my mind out of the blue regarding individuals and situations to stop and pray.
I did. You and Levi and your family were put before the throne of God in my intercession, in the spirit, as I did not know how to pray. I hope knowing that the Lord has you ever on His mind and puts you in the minds of others-our spirits intertwined with His, I hope this knowledge blesses you, sweet sister. I, too, look forward to meeting your sweet and beautiful Lenya. -
As you wait to see your baby again, you wait in His strength. But you also give other people strength through what God is walking your family through. Bless you brother as you reflect on the beauty of life and the hope that we have in Jesus. It gives me such hope and an overwhelming joy in Christ Jesus to read your inner most heart. Bless you and your wife.
Kane.
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Today was my second day at your church. My heart truly goes out to you. This song spoke to my heart during difficult times and I hope the truth of the words will bless you.
Praying for you
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Levi,
I have thought about you and your family a lot these last 30 days and I grieve with you. Even though I cannot even begin to say I know the depth of your grief know that my prayers are with you. I pray for peace and a comfort that surpasses all human understanding. I know, as you do, that God is faithful andtrue. I don’t really know what to say but that my sincerest condolences are being sent to you. Your loss is great but God is bigger than anything here on earth. Even though I have never met her I look forward to meeting her in heaven. Sending love and prayers to you from AlbuquerqueAmber Terrazas Hoffman’s mother,
Denise -
Levi & Jennie..
We continue to lift you up in prayer.. Never before have I felt so close to God.. through your words.. we are driven to walk in the word.. we are blessed to have you as our Pastor, we are grateful for how you have changed our lives through Him.. lets go after this state.. you have an army behind you.. -
Levi,
I don’t know you very well, but my family attends skull church in Kalispell. I’m currently in Afghanstan on a 9 month deployment. My heart goes out to you and your story give me a picture of what is to come in the next month for me. My grandfather just passed three days ago and I will not be able to go home to say goodbye or be with my family. The only consolation I have is that he was ready. I cannot imagine losing a child, or a little brother or sister. Losing a grandparent is so difficult, even though I knew he was at that age. Your strength has given me strength…and your source for strength is mine. God bless and thank you.
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I too was at a side door in heaven after a traumatic motorcycle accident. God said it was not my time so I went back, but in the time I was there, the colors were more vivid and the focus sharper, no limitations of time or space,I was enveloped in love like air. I was who I am on the inside. That lasts forever, while time in this flesh is short. I grieve for you in your loss for now, but rest assured you will all be together again forever thanks to Jesus, it’s as real to me as my kitchen!
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Our hearts ache for your loss. Your courage is amazing and your reliance on God is awesome to see. Your faith is such a blessing to be able to witness, in the midst of the most horrible thing I can imagine. Our prayers for you & your family will continue – may His strength continue to carry you all through.
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Jessica Says:Jan 21st, 2013
It has been 540 days since my oldest stepped into Heaven. She was 3 weeks shy of age 5, and had been battling a devastating illness (mitochondrial disease) since birth. If I can say anything about those last 540 days, it is that God is faithful. He is what he promises to be. He is present. The days are not easy (and often there are moments that feel unbearable), but His grace is sufficient. The pain persists however, and there is no truth in the idea that Christian’s cannot (or should not) grieve deeply for long periods of time. But the joy of the LORD and the grief of men can exist simultaneously. My heart hurts for you, and my heart hurts with you, and I know that we will both find what we need in our God.
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Pastor Levi…. I woke up early yesterday morning and as I was watching the sunrise my thoughts where of Lenya as well. Yes indeed 30 days in heaven and we can only imagine. I think of when King Davids child died and he said he can not come to me but I will go to him. It is of course something to look forward to but it is still so new and so raw. An open wound. Being a Christian we are all family…… Lenya was a part of all of us. My heart hurts too. So much love and respect to you and Jennie…. Prayers forever
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The words God gave you to write about Lenya are beautifully perfect. Our hearts break anew for your family each day as we pray for you. You have been such a blessing to our family and pray that God will ease your family’s burden, strengthen you all each day, and use this tragic time in your family’s life for His Glory. Your and Jennie’s response to this have been a beautiful testimony to the faith we share. Thank you for serving God by serving all of us! The Weigum family will continue to pray for you all.
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My husband and I lost our first child, Anna Grace a few hours after she was born. As hard as it is to watch child leave this Earth, it is wonderful my to know that Jesus is there waiting to gather our children into his arms. I can also relate to the urge to go to heaven yourself. In time I have been able to better understand that there is still a plans for me and my husband here on Earth. Anna will always be my baby girl and we will be reunited again in heaven. Your family will also be reunited in paradise. May God continue to hold you and surround you with family and friends.
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Dear Levi and Family,
Words are so hard to find in a time like this but know how sorry I am for your loss of your beautiful daughter, Lenya. I lift you and your family up in prayer daily. The strength and courage that you and Jennie have shown offer inspiration to us all. Praying God will continue to wrap his arms around you, Jennie and the girls and hold you tightly while you walk through this most difficult time.
With much love, Linda -
Dear Levi and family, I do not know you and would not begin to say that I know the depth of your sorrow and loss but you and your precious daughter have touched my life in a profound way and I give thanks for your faithfulness to God in this most difficult circumstance. I will continue to pray for you all from Texas.
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Gloria Curl Says:Jan 21st, 2013
Heart and Soul…Now and in the coming years.
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Resting in the Hope that does not disappoint. Thank you for faithfully pointing to the power of the love of Christ that not only sustains but will never let you go. My heart is still so heavy but the power of the genuine love of Christ sustains and anticipates great eternal glory.
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I lived in ABQ for two years and had the pleasure of hearing one of your sermons at the Calvary! I still carry the message of “dehydration” in my heart. Reminding me daily that I will dehydrate with out His word…. I thank you for that message! When you and your wife were introduced as leaders of a new church called Fresh Life in Kalispell Montana…. My jaw dropped, and I was filled with overwhelming excitement! To hear that you had opened a church in my my home town of 32 years was beyond radical! I am now even farther from home… South Carolina, and your messages seem to find me:) I am in awe of your walk through such a trial. I know that you know God is carrying you but still…. you are an awesome example of His perfect love. Love and prayers to you, your wife, and children! Love, Desiree in Tiger Town, Clemson, SC.
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Sharon Nash Says:Jan 22nd, 2013
Father God, May your grace, peace, love, and blessing fall heavy upon the Lusko family. May all who hear Levi’s words written from a deep place of pain be transformed. May we all rejoice in the vision of Lenya rejoicing with the angels when another soul is added to heaven because of the faithfulness of her Daddy and Mommy. In death, God, you are glorified. I have no doubt, Lenya is one of the biggest cheerleading in heaven for Freshlife and Skull Church. We have a cloud of witnesses that have gone before us, cheering us on. To God be the glory.
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Dianne Says:Jan 22nd, 2013
Hi Levi, my heart so goes out to you and your Family. I lost my Mother on October 10,2012 and I am still grieving her loss. I totally agree with you her last breath on earth was her first breath in Heaven. As the word says, every moment we spend in these earthly bodies is time spent away from from our eternal home in Heaven. My prayers are with you and your Family. Lenya was very blessed to be in a God fearing Family
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We lost our much beloved Sofie last year, my sister’s 11 yr old. The loss & heartbreak are almost impossible to put into words, so our hearts reach out in love to you and your family. In the grief & darkness, God will let you have many wonderful coincidences (Godincidences) that bring hope & wonder, enough to get you from one monkey bar to the next without falling. My sister posted this on the 1 yr anniversary of her passing…thinking of you & yours
In Loving memory of Sofia Kristine Larson May 9, 2000 – January 14, 2012
THE LITTLE SHIP
I stood watching as the little ship sailed out to sea.
The setting sun tinted his white sails with a golden light,and as she disappeared from sight a voice at my side whispered,”She is gone.”
But the sea was a narrow one.
On the farther shore a little band of friends had gathered… to watch and wait in happy expectation.
Suddenly they caught sight of the tiny sail and,
at the very moment when my companion had whispered,
“She is gone.”a glad shout went up in joyous welcome,
“Here she comes!” -
Dearest Levi.
There’s nothing Heidi & I can say that hasn’t already been said. Thank you for sharing this bittersweet moment with us and allowing us all to learn from your family’s heartache – and it is a privilege for us to be in league with you in our small little way.
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Heart & Soul til the end of this Earth as we know it. Keep her sweet smile and brave spirit always. May God be glorified in this tragedy and you find peace in Him.
We love you and your family (all of them) and the Hope that you have brought us through your teachings. Stay strong you are continuaously in our walking prayers. -
Our hearts break with yours, Levi. We are for praying God’s amazing grace and for peace that surpasses all understanding for you, Jenny and the rest of your family. Such a painful event, serves to remind us that the church body should be praying God’s protection for our Pastors and leaders. I had not been doing this as much as I should, but will be doing so now! May God redeem this time of great sorrow, with blessing to come that you cannot imagine now. You and your family are loved and will be covered in prayer. Please let us know if there is anything my family can do to help you in any practical way during this season. We mean that sincerely.
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Rachel Says:Jan 24th, 2013
To Pastor Levi, Jennie, and your sweet girls,
My heart is grieving with all of you and it is hard to know what to say. But I just wanted to let you know that my prayers, heart and soul are behind all of you. Through God, you have been amazing and I’ve used your situation to get people to Fresh Life; telling them that if you are holding true to God at rock bottom, then you must have truth. Thank you for being open with the church and blessing all of us by God’s power in you. I will keep praying for your family; as that is the most I can do.
Love you guys.
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We are praying for your family as we know that it must be very hard for all the joy and sunshine Lenya brought into your lives! Your post was very touching and speaks volumes of the pain and heartbreak you are still experiencing. May these open wounds and cracks be where the Lord covers you with His compassion and love. The one thought I would like to share is that your daughter is longing to see you all just as much and is asking Jesus each day when you all will be coming. She wants to show you all the cool places that Jesus and some of his angels have shown her. She really likes going to the River of Life that flows from God’s throne. The water tastes like the mountain streams of Montana, except this River even tastes sweeter, like honey.
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I know the only solace in your loss is the knowledge that God has your little girl. I lost my second born four years ago and my mother just a week ago and I know beyond any doubt that they are with our awesome Savior. It almost makes one “jealous”. They are truly free. You are a good and faithful servant and will see your precious daughter again one day – until then keep doing what you are doing. You are the epitomy of love. Thank you.
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As grieving parents we ache for you on reading this. We are both in tears. oh that we could shoulder some burden. We are so truly sorry for your loss of lenya. Your ministry has touched the hardest time of our lives, when it was too difficult to go to church after losing our little son we listened to the series on revelation and would sit in awe of heaven and the time to come. What a blessing that has been to us at this time. We will hold you in prayer continually brother and sister. He will hear.
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Our hearts are breaking still for you and your beautiful, precious family. The strength God is giving you to go on and breath every day through this pain, still thanking and glorifying Him, is truly inspirational to me. It reminds me of how gracious God’s mercy and peace are and that no matter what trials I’m going through right now he can bring me through it too.
Our most heartfelt, sincere prayers go out to you, Jenny and the girls.
-Christina Brevik and family
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I cannot physically form the word to express my condolences to you and your family. Just know the Buls family is covering you, Jenny and your girls in prayer daily.