When winter loosed it’s grip and spring finally brought us back out to our backyard we made a discovery. On a patio table there was a handful of rocks that had been there since last fall. Alivia and Jennie remembered that Lenya had picked them from our yard and had been playing with them on a sunny day. When I heard this I stared at the rocks and could picture her standing there selecting them. I wonder what they were in her imagination. Rubies, sapphires and emeralds? Pirate coins? Dinosaur bones? Why did she pick these out of all others? What was going on in her wonderful little head that day as she whimsically played?

On that table they sat during the cold months waiting to be discovered as a different kind of treasure. A note tucked in a bottle. Once the snow melted there they were. They delivered both cherished memories and a clear message. Time is short. Precious. Fleeting. You never know when it will run out. There is nothing certain about our life on this earth except that it will end. We must savor the moments. Drink in the small things. Strain to find God’s joy in common occurrences as a tiny stone seen with creativity through the eyes of a little child.

Life rushes by and it waits for no one. You will never find time for the most important things, you must choose to make time. If you aren’t careful the tyranny of the urgent will rob your life of true significance. Jesus and people. These are all that will seem weighty in the final analysis. It is tremendously difficult, especially in this crazy, fast-paced world we live in, but you have to fight to be present and focused for what matters most.

I can’t wait to once again enjoy Lenya’s company in Heaven. I groan for it deep in my soul. I am looking forward to spending time with her collecting beautiful rocks on the new earth. Unlike these ones, they will never need to be cast away.

Ecclesiastes 3:4-5 “A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;”

I am not saying I have faith made out of steel. I don’t. There have been times of deep, deep doubt. Moments where I have come close to despair. There have been anxiety attacks that verged on total meltdown.

The closest thing I can compare these moments to is having one of your kids get separated from you in the grocery store and that sick feeling of panic when you are running up the aisles looking for them. Only there is no resolution. It doesn’t end, on this side of eternity, you have to learn to live with it. Once I was on an airplane and felt myself slipping. I got so stressed that I thought to myself, “if you don’t get this under control you are going to get arrested trying to open the door or something.” I had to breathe slowly with my head down to stop myself from hyperventilating.

Even in these times of intense doubt I haven’t been plagued by “why?” though. It’s not because I already know the answer. I have no clue. Beyond generally, that all death is the result of sin, I don’t know why my daughter’s life on earth was cut short. Today is my birthday and I don’t know why I won’t get to spend it with her. I believe God could have overridden and kept her here. He wasn’t surprised by any of this. I also believe He could have answered our prayers and brought her back even after she left this world. He’s done it before.

One day I will know even as I am known, but not yet. Right now I look at all this through a dark glass. Not knowing doesn’t change anything for me though. I trust Him. I trust His plan. He knows what He is doing. He does all things well. I don’t have to know all the answers because I know Him. So my heart’s cry isn’t, “give me facts,” but “give me faith,” because even if I did have the information there isn’t much I could do with it.  Even the tiniest measure of faith, on the other hand, can move mountains.

He puts it this way, “You know, I’ve got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. [he points to his chest] This stops it. This little circle of light. It’s part of me now, not just armor. It’s a … terrible privilege.”

The point he is making is one that reverberates through the pages of scripture. Things that come close to crushing you completely can become an integral part of your calling. God has a way of weaving together even the most destructive things we go through to bring about His eternal plans and save the lives of many. He never wastes a trial. He has a plan for your pain.

I think of this scene often. I’m no Iron Man, but the pain of having my little Lenya go to Heaven so young feels at times like a chunk of metal seeking to tear my heart apart. If I had been given a choice between the two I would choose the shrapnel. In a heartbeat. Though it has been over four months now, the sorrow is still very severe. It can vary from a blinding and jolting intensity to a dull, cold, throbbing, like an ache deep in your bones.

I have found that there is nothing you can do with this pain except live with it and keep moving forward. I trust God and pray and read scripture every day. It still hurts. I feel myself getting stronger, but the pain never goes away.

The one thing that brings the most relief, that I look forward to more than anything, is church. Specifically singing. Like Tony Stark’s glowing arc-reactor, I find that when I am surrounded by a throng of God’s people and we are all lifting high the name of Jesus in a worship experience, the pressure inside my chest is alleviated and the sharp barb gets temporarily pulled from my heart.

These are also the moments when I feel nearest to her. Much more so than when I stand at her grave. That plot of earth merely houses her tent, she is in the presence of the Lord. With my eyes closed and my hands raised and the music swirling around me, there are glimpses of God’s glory that transcend all else. In those fleeting moments I feel locked in to the frequency of Heaven and everything else just fades to gray.

2 Corinthians 4:6 “For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

The Almost’s new record, Fear Inside Our Bones, is coming out this summer but you can listen to one track right now here.

For all the details on the O2 Experience and info on how your church can get involved click here.

In the past 5 years we have had Skull Church events all over Montana, but until last week we had never ventured outside the state. I have to admit there were some butterflies as we packed up and headed to Albuquerque. Were we making a mistake? Would people come? Was this all going to blow up in our faces? Even a few hours before the doors opened I still was dealing with the same volatile pre-event nerves that I always do. There was also last minute drama when a fire alarm was tripped just before we let people in that caused everything to get pushed back 1/2 hour while the building was evacuated.

The good and the bad part of venturing out in faith is the madness of it all. I have learned to lean into the chaos. There are no guarantees. Faith requires uncertainty. There has to be a degree of unpredictability to it all if we are to trust God. Ever since Lenya has gone to heaven, more than at any point in my life, I desire nothing more than to take these gutsy, reckless steps of faith, to reach as many people as possible, before this short life is over.

I have to give major snaps to our team considering the fact that this event came just two short weeks after Skull Church Majestic and Fresh Life Easter. You would never know how tired they were by the way they worked. I have never seen them work harder or more fired up to reach people. I’m not just talking about those who were in New Mexico. While many of us were away we still had worship experiences at all five Fresh Life campuses and those who stayed back are just as much a part of what happened as those who went. It takes just as much dedication and faith to stay as it does to go.

God blessed the event in a major way. In addition to the churches that supported the event, several radio stations — Christian and mainstream alike — got behind it as well. It was an amazing thing to see thousands of people line up to get in and the venue filled up to standing room only and beyond. Best of all, many, many people streamed out of their seats in response to the gospel and made public professions of faith in Christ.

It was difficult to not have Lenya with us at this landmark event in Skull Church history but special to see God continue to expand the platform that we have to reach people with the message of His love and grace. The stories that come in from those impacted are always incredible. None more so than the young girl who wrote of her former suicide attempts and the hope she has now found through the death and life of Jesus. That is what it is all about.

Here is the Skull Church Albuquerque look-book:

Jennie and I have been married for nine years today! I remember the morning of our wedding day vividly. While my groomsmen were still crashed out at my place, I left the house early to drive around and process what was about to happen. The song, “Amazing Grace” came on the radio and I was singing along and thinking about this girl that God had brought into my life who was about to become my wife. I was overcome by the grace of God, that He would entrust such a delicate beauty to an ogre like me. Tears of joy and thankfulness began streaming down my face as I worshipped and asked Him to bless our marriage. I can only imagine what other cars thought was happening in the next lane!

Nine years later I still am blown away by God’s grace in giving Jennie to me. She is velvet coated steel. Her touch is soft and her soul is strong. There is no one I would rather do life with.

We have been through so much together. Sickness and health. Good and Bad. Life and death. We’ve done ministry all over the country. Seen God move in power through His Holy Spirit. We have brought four children in to this world and we have one waiting for us in Heaven.

I love you Jenni-flower. You have ravished my heart.

Fresh from our most fruitful Skull Church event ever, we’re gearing up for another milestone – taking Skull Church out of state for the first time. On April 14 at 7pm we’ll be sounding forth a message of hope from the speakers at Calvary Albuquerque in New Mexico. Located in a city of more than a million people and led by pastor Skip Heitzig, friend, mentor and father in the faith to Pastor Levi, Calvary Albuquerque sees 14,000 people come through its doors every weekend. This free event will feature music from the Skull Church band and a life changing gospel message. It can be watched live online at www.skullchurch.com. Invite everyone and bring someone who needs to know Jesus.

If you’re a church in the Albuquerque area and you would like to get behind Skull Church check out our CONNECT page for more info.

The promise of the resurrection has never meant more to me than it does today. I have always loved Easter, there is no day like it on the calendar. Nothing even comes close. Ever since Lenya went to heaven, I have been living, breathing and eating the scriptures that describe Jesus’ triumphant victory over death more than at any other point in my life. The message I preached Sunday about Jesus’ resurrection, and the hope that is ours as a result, is one that has been on repeat inside my heart and home nonstop for months. We have comforted each other with “these words” as Paul said we should, and there is nothing that brings comfort when facing the grave besides the empty tomb of Jesus Christ.

As we celebrated the fact that Jesus rose the anthem reverberated across the state of Montana to more people than we have ever had the opportunity to communicate to. We have never undertaken anything quite so complicated or large as what we did Easter Sunday, but the reality of the message merits our doing everything we can to turn up our megaphone. God blessed the event in a major way and we saw many people respond to the gospel and stream forward in Billings, Missoula, Kalispell to make public professions of faith.

Going into the weekend we knew it would be bittersweet. Sweet to celebrate the best news that has ever been preached, like ever. I’m talking about “He is not here, He is risen!” Bitter for Lenya not to be there when I got off stage to show me her Lion mask craft they made in her Fresh Life Kids class. Sweet to hear story after story of life change and destinies being rerouted. Bitter to not get to see her scampering around the lawn looking for Easter eggs later on in the day.

In the midst of these highs and lows I saw something I hadn’t noticed in the Easter story before. Saturday. I tend to think a lot of Friday, when Jesus died. And of course you can’t think too much about Sunday when He rose, but Saturday hit me hard this year. On Saturday the body of Jesus remained buried in His tomb. He was not in His body. He had gone to Paradise. He would rise eventually, but for Saturday His body, which had been shed in dishonor, lay still. Motionless. Dead. Saturday is a place full of waiting. A place of anticipation. A place where promises had been made but weren’t yet fulfilled. To His disciples, who had been left behind, Saturday must have been the hardest part. I realized that we are sort of in a long Saturday, waiting for the promise of His coming, and we must not lose heart.